Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
