mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
