For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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