I must be too annoying 4 u.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
