i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
