I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
