wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
