So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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