I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
