there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
