Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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