Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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