so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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