WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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