If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
