All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You need a sexual gate keeper
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
