youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
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