Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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