I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
