Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
