Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
