Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
