I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
do herpes really smell.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
