are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
