i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk is not a location!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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