and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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