On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
