no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want a musical about memes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
