Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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