i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
