her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
