I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize