How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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