They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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