i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
