so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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