i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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