I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
