Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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