I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
