I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
