Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
