sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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