so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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