I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
