those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
