how can u be prego again
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
