I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
