i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
