he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
