I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
