Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
