White coat. Heels.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
