I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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