i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
