You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
