So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
