im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
