He is an equal opportunity slut.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had sex on a roof
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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