So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The ass gains better be worth it
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