just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
