when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
