I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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