...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
