Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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