I will die if light touches me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
