you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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