And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
