Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
